Welcome back!!!
I am so happy that you are here. I am guessing that hopefully you read "The Return" yesterday and you have also "Returned" because you are interested in following me on my journey, or that you want to see if this time I can acutally accomplish my goal. It could also mean that you are on my Facebook and were invited by me to "Like" the Phat to Fit to Fabulous page (thank you and feel free to suggest the page to friends!) or you may be able to identify with what I am trying to do - and looking for some inspiration or someone you can identify with - knowing that you aren't alone in your own journey. Maybe you are reading because you want to show your support. Maybe there are some who read secretly, silently and vindictively hoping that I fail. Regardless of the reason, I am very grateful you are here, willing to read my words, my journey, my truth - which gives me incredible strength to know that I am not entirely alone here.
As you read yesterday, I am trying to get back on track. I fell off the wagon somewhere between Thanksgiving (three Thanksgiving dinners, remember?) and Christmas, everyday in between, and numerous days since - it seemed only more difficult to get it together and start again and finish. Here I am, starting over 6 months later.
I keep making promises, only to fail myself and feel worse and continue to make very unhealthy choices. Every Monday the same short lived promises. I am going to start today by eating healthy and go to the gym. Very short lived. By the time I get to Starbucks at 8am, the Starbucks cookie wastes no time in seducing me. Croissant anyone? What?! I love to pretend I am in Paris - yes, sadly, that is my justification. The truth is, I am in Toronto eating for breakfast what could possibly be a full day calorie intake. How about now that we are 2 days away from the first day of Summer - Caramel Frappucino? Sure, who cares, it's Suuuummmmmeeeerrrrr! Chocolate bar from the vending machine at work? Who cares?!?! It's not like it will make a difference. I talk myself into every bad choice I make so I need to get revved up and psyched about talking myself into making the healthier choices. Unhealthy choices taste so delicious at the moment - but they stay with me - on my ass, my neck phat and back phat to be exact. Remember those pounds that went on vacation? I told them when they left that they couldn't come back - but they didn't listen to me - they came back alright, along with some serious baggage. It's like they made some new friends, lovers, one night stands and whoever they met and decided to bring them back without even consulting me. Where are the deportation officers when you need them? Something should have stopped them. Someone should have stopped them. That irresponsible person that coulda, shoulda, would have -oh wait, the only one who could have is me and sadly, I didn't. But times are a changin'!
I responded to some of my Aunt Shelley's questions last night and my favourite part was I had to send her pictures of famous people whose body types I hoped for for myself. The natural first two choices were Eva Mendes and Kate Winslet of course, but also Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez, Scarlet Johansson and Beyonce were all on my personal list. Now, the thing I love about all of these women is that they have shape and curve to them which I like and still want for myself. The curvy club (although many are acutally a size 2 or 4 which should hardly be considered curvy). Some think Jennifer Aniston has an incredible body, which for her age (anyone's age really) she looks unbelievably incredible - like a foxy fox that is hot to trot- but I don't yearn for her body type...although she does look fabulous in a pencil skirt. The excellent thing I realized is, I don't long to be a waif. I can accept the fact that it is probably impossible for me to be a size 2 or 4 but again, if we are going on sizes, I would settle for an 8. This is not about being as skinny as possible for me. Sure, I definitely want to lose weight and maintain a healthy body since I only have this one - but when I was looking at those pictures I know for certain, I am not willing to let all of my weight go. I like having a little cushin for the pushin - know what I'm sayin' ladies? That's right, I said it. ;) Ok, for real? Looking gaunt or extremely muscular is not for me - I like real bodies - and I want to have a fabulous and fit one where I wake up I love looking at my nekkid body every single day. So much so that I find it difficult getting to work on time or making appointments or I am just constantly staring at myself.
Editor's Note: So, I am Movin' on up to the Wordpress side - if you have noticed through my Facebook, my blog may look a bit different. That is because I have created a new blog through Wordpress.com and have decided to move Phattofittofabulous over there to make it easier to read, more accessible and a tad more professional looking. There may come a time that I transfer all 71 posts from this blog to the new one, but the dates will be messed up and I will miss the original feel of this, the first part of my journey. Feel free to visit here anyime you would like and I hope you join me on the other side....
Thank you so much for sharing my journey,
PFF
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